Growing speed, Growing hostility

Dear NYC-runners Girls who weigh 85 Pounds and run 5 miles and still think it that ain't good enough:

Fuck OFF.

Love,
Me.

P.S. Is that mean?
P.P.S. Do you still like me?
P.P.P.S Because I really want you to like me and run with you next time.

Shortlist

Here what is on my mind:

1) The situation at work is untenable. I was reading the statistics and freaked out. Since the beginning of the year we have had 20 aid workers killed, 17 people abducted and 13 still held hostage in the country I normally refer to as “my country”. We are running short of ideas on what to do. Are we going to lock ourselves up in compounds and be cut off from the people we have to assist.? Are we going to say enough! Where and how do we set the benchmarks and decide we cannot afford anymore losses? …what is it going to happen if we leave?

2) I have about 9000 things to do before I leave on this trip. It’s good I decided not to leave my apartment…I could not afford being in the middle of a move right now…..I wrote to P. I hope to see her while in London but there are good chances that she will not be interested in seeing an old friend now that she has a “new life”…shall I delete her email and memory while wishing her my very best for the future.?

3) Nina's father is dead.. She is sad and I am heart broken for her. I was on the brink of tears when I got the news. By now you would think I am good friend with her....Actually I have never seen/spoken to here and she does not even know I exist although I live one block away from her. I just read here blog everyday. I will probably leave her an anonymous message...

4) A. is leaving NY tomorrow. I am sad for that too.. God only knows when we are going to meet again.

5) By Friday I will need to tell my boss I am turning down the promotion because I just wanna get the f*ck out... I am still thinking of a diplomatic way to say that ...suggestions are welcome...

How am I dealing with all this? How might I be coping?

Well, I'll tell you. I spent the week end watching season 2 of Weeds. I am making good progress on season 3.
Today I tortured my colleague DDC....I made him believe that I have not taken a decision and YES I may well decide to accept the offer (muahahahahah!). I have also been mean to K. and haven't returned his call.

I gotta go. Compelling shit going on here.

The almighty dollar babe

I'm currently struggling in keeping up with personal obligations.

These obligations come in the form of engagements, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers, births, bar mitzvahs, baptisms, those having difficulties at conceiving and going IVF, those who get their eggs frozen (bleah!) those who bought their first home and throwing housewarmings, former lovers standing up now and announcing what everyone always knew anyway, ie. that they're in a relationship. Does Hallmark do a card for that???

All these things require a gift of some sort and a gift that needs to be wrapped in addition to providing an accompanying card with something meaningful phrase written on it. I'm so tired of this, I am tired of wasting time wondering if silver or gold wrapping paper would be more appropriate… and I am running out of inspiration. This is a complete waste of time and money.

I just wanna be the almighty dollar babe. "You're engaged? Here's 50 bucks-. Have a drink on me." "Oh - so you are having a party at your new house- Here's a bottle of tequila and a pack of condoms. You guys knock yourselves out. “ A new born??? How cute- Here is a 30 bucks Duane Reade Card- It will come at hand when you need diapers ." A gay wedding? Here's a year-long supply of shiraz...hopefully you'll be too drunk to fill out the adoption forms...

I gotta go now. Need to help a friend fix the apartment she just bought. Since she is a good friend I will not give her money but the gift will be a brand new blender that I bought for me 6 months ago and never used and a bottle of Italian balsamic vinegar. She knew what I was gonna get her and she asked “Will you do a nice gift package?- “No babe, I love you deeply but that ain’t happening anymore” I replied.

Someone kick me please

Things I hate:

The majority of people who work at my job
My new office
Wearing a suit
Staff meetings
Thinking outside the box
The hypocrisy of a system where victories are privatized and losses are socialized
Being held while I want to go

In order to break with the Miserable at Work theme I’ve got going here, I also would like to add that I hate my new haircut, for which I blame MT.
Mercedes used to cut my hair and we had a good thing going until she left for Madrid, where people apparently have better hair. Now I am stuck with MT and things are grim.

Anyway, on the positive side I can say I am alive and in good health. I have both my kidneys and legs and the running is going well.

More posts will follow unless I decide to embrace a monastic life …after I give the finger to a few people around here.

La ragazza dalla doppia vita (il momento basso)

Sono tornata. Rientrata a NY dopo una piccola parentesi, un breve tuffo nella mia vecchia realtà, in una vita che ormai non vivo più da tempo. Penso, mi osservo dall’esterno e ancora mi dico… quanto sono cambiate le cose, e senza nemmeno accorgermene.

E’ stato davvero bello rivedere tutta la famiglia.. quella allargata come si usa dire … dopo tanti anni, di nuovo tutti insieme… bello davvero. Tutti cresciuti, tutti diversi, ognuno con la sua vita, ognuno la sua strada ma bello essere di nuovo insieme. Loro sempre intorno a me… … sempre pronti a proteggermi, a dimostrarmi il loro affetto, la loro stima, il loro rispetto. Un po’ strano… io al di fuori… ho sentito il distacco, la mancanza… i miei timori non erano vani… quanto già mi sono persa di tutti loro?! Quanto si sono loro stessi persi di me?

Incredibile pensare che alcuni momenti piu importanti della mia vita non le abbia mai condivise con loro.

Sento ancora quella nostalgia dell’infanzia, dell’innocenza, dell’essere spensierata, dell’attesa dell’ indipendenza. E ora… rieccomi qui, nel mio ufficio, nella mia vita… nel mio lavoro, sempre tanto da fare, anzi talmente tanto che come al solito non si sa da che parte iniziare… Le aspettative sul futuro… bello non programmare ed essere libera di fare tutto quello che voglio… ma a volte tremano le gambe… mi spaventa l’immensità di questa parola…

Scesa dall’aereo dopo mille ore di viaggio… mi sentivo triste, contenta ed emozionata. Che bello tornare a “casa”… e placare la nostalgia di New-York di tutto quello che ho fatto e costruito qua, di quello che sono io qua.

“Ricordati che la tua casa e qui” mi ha detto mia madre portandomi all’areoporto. Mi sono rattristata, perche so come le pesi il fatto che io chiami casa un altro posto.

Comunque sono tornata e cerco adesso di ritrovare il mio equilibrio e il forte stimolo… quello che fino ad oggi mi ha dato la carica per andare, per costruire, per conoscere.

For Candie on her b-day

Dearest friend,

Though I am thousands kms away, I am thinking of you as you celebrate your birthday.

This year I wish for you...

.....peace and tranquillity

...earthly delights beyond imagination




...the adoration of friends





...and the love of a good man.

Love,
K.