Fantasy land

This is where la Dama Errante goes when people are really annoying her.



It is called fantasy land- A (happy) place in her head where she can do anything she wants in total impunity. Today she is retaliating against some annoying people by raising chemical warfare with a pepper-spray, her favorite pair of shoes and her new enamel bangles. This only makes her feel better for about seven minutes, at which point she searches for candy.


Pic: Self portrait of the artist by http://www.ratemydrawings.com/

Go figure

Today my mother, yet again, asked me if I had met anyone. Afterwards, yet again, asked me if I am a lesbian. We have this type of conversation once in a while. Here it goes, for you enjoyment.

She: "Have you met anybody interesting recently"

Me: “I meet interesting people every day" (knowing where she was heading...)

She: "Any suitor?"

Me:” You know I don’t like you asking these questions"

She: "What's wrong with asking this?

Me: "I just don’t like it-so please stop it-end of the story"

She: "Why you don’t like to be asked? Are you a lesbian?"

Me:" I am going back to my work now, famine in the third world is a more titillating subject that this conversation"

She then passed the phone to my father and we were done.

Now the point I want to make is: I am not lesbian.I found very amusing that she, and other alike people, have to ask this question (and they do ask...amazingly enough!!!) because they need to figure out what sort of cookie you are.

Somebody said once that is not question that is embarassing but the answer. I must confess I take pleasure in giving embarassing answers, particularly to stiff people. However, could not do that to my mom.

Anyway, with this funny conversation and the absence of my boss from the office I had a good start of the week.

Have a great week guys, hope you like the pic.

Did I miss anything?

Few days ago I got this email.

Dear F.

Unfortunately I didn't make it to the induction today. Did I miss anything?
Love,
Kirsten

My response:

Dear Kirsten,

First of all, I want you to know I love you too. I always have and I am relieved to know you feel the same way.

As for induction, you missed a keg party and a strip poker. Then you missed a spirited, joyous gang bang with a band of convicts escaped from cell block E of the local penitentiary. (The federal one, so you know they were quality, indeed).

You also missed important instructions on key documents to read, standard operating procedures and templates in order not to fail on your job, you dumb ass, but I'm sure you'll get by. How you'll get over missing the drunken card game and the gang bang, I don't know.

But I am here for you.

Love always,
F. (bitchy induction Focal Point)

Sins of the week

• Eating too many crystallized ginger candies and getting sick.
• Flirting with the IT guy to speed up complete fulfillment of the tech requirements of my office.
• Overuse of the words “bitch” and excessive moaning.

I then decided to fix this awful week my own way…Today, I got up and ate breakfast and I was late in the office. I seriously did. How did I accomplish this?

1) Yesterday, during a lunch break, I run to the grocery store. This morning, when I woke up at 7:30 I went back to sleep to wake up again half hour later and do my coffee. Oh my God.

2) Then I ate plain non-fat yogurt with honey and almonds, strawberries and cantaloupe and a croissant and indulged in listening some music.

I think this is what they call being a normal human being who puts needs of self before needs of a miscreant boss who can't be bothered about being a bitch for no reasons.

Of course, the forty-five minutes that I took to do something for myself this morning have resulted in a day chock full of sneering but I do not regret my choice. Enough with being politically correct….. bitch!!!

Normal post up soon. Unless I choose to neglect my duties, including my blog, by continuing my selfish trend of eating breakfast. Who knows?